Thoughts From The Couch

It's 12:22am and I'm laying here on my brother's couch crying.

Not to be dramatic or anything, but that's really what's happening.  And I'm real. Sooooo....

Anyway, a little peak into WHY I am where I am and doing what I'm doing right now is laid out below.

Do you ever find yourself just torn up inside? As an extreme left-brain thinker this is a difficult concept for me to grasp.  Unless I'm FEELING it.  And Lord, am I feeling it.

I don't know about you, but when loved ones in my life are hurting, I ACHE to do everything in my power, to bring that hurt to a stop.  Sounds noble and good and pure, right?

*Sidenote:  if loved ones in your life are hurting and you just don't care?  Well that's a separate issue and I'd like to humbly suggest that you seek professional help on the matter.  ~end Sidenote*

And it is.  However, what if God, in all of His infinite wisdom, and power, and unfathomable grace, is, THROUGH these situations, doing something in your life as well?

Don't read me wrong.  I did not say God caused these painful circumstances so that He could use them. Rather, He is bringing about good in spite of them.  Beauty out of ashes.

So, as I'm laying here thinking about how I can bring healing and restoration to the storms raging around me, I feel God hold me.  And gently, He says:  "Bean," (God calls me Bean) "I've got this.  Rest your weary soul."  And He not only tells me, but shows me.  He shows me through the love and encouragement of the people He's placed in my life for this specific reason (Esther 4:14).

This call to rest.  It's more than just a relief of duties.  Rather, a re-assignment.  God never asked me to be a hurt-healer.  As human beings, that's not in our job description; not on our own strength anyway.  This call to rest freed me up to love and encourage the ones that need it from God, through me.

And that lead me to tears.  The relief of resting in the arms of my savior.  Knowing that, not only will I be ok, but those who I've been anguishing over, will be taken care of by The One.  Not BY me, but THROUGH me.  He's got this.  And I can breathe.  And that feels good.