Thoughts From The Couch

It's 12:22am and I'm laying here on my brother's couch crying.

Not to be dramatic or anything, but that's really what's happening.  And I'm real. Sooooo....

Anyway, a little peak into WHY I am where I am and doing what I'm doing right now is laid out below.

Do you ever find yourself just torn up inside? As an extreme left-brain thinker this is a difficult concept for me to grasp.  Unless I'm FEELING it.  And Lord, am I feeling it.

I don't know about you, but when loved ones in my life are hurting, I ACHE to do everything in my power, to bring that hurt to a stop.  Sounds noble and good and pure, right?

*Sidenote:  if loved ones in your life are hurting and you just don't care?  Well that's a separate issue and I'd like to humbly suggest that you seek professional help on the matter.  ~end Sidenote*

And it is.  However, what if God, in all of His infinite wisdom, and power, and unfathomable grace, is, THROUGH these situations, doing something in your life as well?

Don't read me wrong.  I did not say God caused these painful circumstances so that He could use them. Rather, He is bringing about good in spite of them.  Beauty out of ashes.

So, as I'm laying here thinking about how I can bring healing and restoration to the storms raging around me, I feel God hold me.  And gently, He says:  "Bean," (God calls me Bean) "I've got this.  Rest your weary soul."  And He not only tells me, but shows me.  He shows me through the love and encouragement of the people He's placed in my life for this specific reason (Esther 4:14).

This call to rest.  It's more than just a relief of duties.  Rather, a re-assignment.  God never asked me to be a hurt-healer.  As human beings, that's not in our job description; not on our own strength anyway.  This call to rest freed me up to love and encourage the ones that need it from God, through me.

And that lead me to tears.  The relief of resting in the arms of my savior.  Knowing that, not only will I be ok, but those who I've been anguishing over, will be taken care of by The One.  Not BY me, but THROUGH me.  He's got this.  And I can breathe.  And that feels good.

The Purpose of Life.

OK.  My computer only has 23% battery, I'm not willing to untangle the power cord from it's home at the desk, and I'm not interested in sitting AT the desk.  So this is the predicament I'm in:  I have 23% battery life to get this thing tapped out.  And I will probably be getting up at some point to dish myself some mint chocolate chip ice cream with home-made-from-scratch hot fudge, liiikkkeeee

Now.

Hold Please.

Back.  With ice cream, hot fudge, and friends season 7 on the tv.  We can continue.

But basically, I'm gonna get this thing out before the battery dies.  I'm determined.

So the purpose of life...  Here it is.

What is the one thing on this earth that really makes your heart pound and sends your blood racing through your body?  Maybe something came to mind immediately, maybe it didn't.  But here's the truth:  Everybody has something.

For me, it's gymnastics.  And I think kids, and possibly sharing stories.  The truth is, I'm not exactly sure.

(21%)

So I'm not entirely sure what my 'thing' is.  I'm working on that, and I would encourage you to as well.

However, if you DO know, OWN IT.  Society says do this:  Go to school, get a good job,  so you can buy a house, have a family, have a pension, and retire at age 65 1/2 with a nice, fluffy nest egg to live out your "golden years".

(18%)

But, how BORING would the world be if that's all ALL of us chose to do?  What's worse than the boredom though (if it's possible), is that we would be following the world's definition of wisdom and maturity.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that any of the above listed accomplishments are poor choices.  What I am saying though, is that it's not the only way.  What if pursuing your heart's passions and desires means foregoing the traditional way of doing life?  Could you put up with all the questions from family and friends?  The constant pressures of society telling you you're not measuring up?  You could... if your faith and hope were in the Being that created you.  The Being that KNEW you before you were conceived.

(15%)

God created you.  For a purpose.  When you know what that purpose is (your passion), it takes serious courage to pursue it.  Especially, if it is outside what society would consider "responsible adult behavior".  'Cuz the thing is, not only did he create you - with a PURPOSE - but when you choose to trust Him by living out your life using your unique gift that He created you for, He WILL reward you.  You will feel more alive, more WHOLE, than you ever have or ever will in your LIFE.  Because you are doing what you were created to do.

Sidenote:  Pursuing your passions in a way that makes them worth something, takes a unique kind of courage.  The potential to exude this courage lies within everyone but few have tapped in to it.  Tap in to it.  (Hint: You need God's help.  Just ask Him.)

Because YOU were created to do SOMETHING.  Something specific.  Something that will, in a unique and beautiful way, spread the light and bring glory to the Creator of the universe.  The Creator of you.

So this is the purpose of life.  Discover your passions and pursue them.  But don't pursue them for yourself; pursue them for the one that created you.  

I know.  Mind-blowing, right?!  But I could be wrong.  Maybe the purpose of life is dogs.  And home-made-from-scratch hot fudge.  'Cuz both of those things are pretty damn awesome.

Lola and Max.  Age:  Presh (3 months)

Because, seriously, how FREAKING cute are they?!

Finished.  With 13% battery life to spare.  Happy dreaming :)

Grace

Grace - Unmerited favor toward the GUILTY.

Reading this definition of the word "grace" shook me to my core.

My whole life, I've always been a "good girl"; Awana as a child, youth group leader through Jr. High and High School, missions trips in high school and college, member of a christian sorority in college, bible study leader as an adult, so on and so forth, blah blah blah.

At age 26, I'm still a virgin.

Never smoked a cigarette.

Never tried any sort of drug.

Never... Well, let's put it this way:  'Never Have I Ever' is a game where everyone puts ten fingers up and you go around in a circle saying things YOU'VE never done.  Then, if someone in the circle has done that thing, they put a finger down.  Typically, the things mentioned in the game are things of a naughty nature.  You win this game by being the last person with fingers still up; I've never lost that game.

That night at the bible study, that definition of the word grace shook me, because I never considered myself guilty.  I mean, yeah, I've lied, gossiped, thought ill of people, but I never did anything that bad.  At least my sins weren't as bad as other people's.

Is anyone noticing a theme here?  My thoughts on and views of life and even my salvation, were all about ME ME ME.

As I came to this realization, I was nothing but disgusted with myself.  I had become what I had most feared; a pious christian.

At what point did I think I had any sort of leg up on any other human that walked this green earth?  God created ALL of us and called ALL of us, his ARTWORK (Eph 2:10).  We are his artwork, his workmanship.  The greek word for workmanship is POIEMA, which is where we get the English word poem.  Poems are beautiful, and intricate, and express pattern and rhythm.  This is what we all are; no matter what we've done or haven't done.  And NONE of us are any more or less beautiful in God's eyes; no matter what the world tells us.

Grace is mentioned OVER and OVER and OVER again, all through out the bible.  We are ALL in equal, dire need of it.  NO ONE is less or more deserving than any other of this FREE gift.

I need God's grace for my sinful pride, my elevation of self; among other things.  What do you need God's grace for?

A Fruit a Day...

I recently decided that I am going to eat a fruit a day.  How long this idea lasts... remains to be seen.  Today's fruit:  kiwi.  I REALLY like going to target, and I live really close.  SO.. the plan is to go to target (or any store) and get a different fruit every day.  That way, there's variety and variated vitamins.  Can life get better?  I submit that it cannot.

That's So Hot Right Now...

Here is my uber-qualified list of things that are trending right now:

• Chevron stripes (like the gas station sign)
• DIY! - Pinterest
• Thriftiness - Love that this is a trend btw
• Burlap - you can pretty much build anything out of burlap.  Even an outfit ;)
• Mason Jars
• VINTAGE.  If it's old, it's cool.
• Photography; everyone is an artist.  Some are just more skilled than others ;)
• Hombre hair.  Because letting your roots grow out naturally (and for free) is just way over-rated.
• Sarcasm - it's all the rage.
• Mustaches.  If you're one of those people who got one TATTOOED to your finger so you could hold up to your upper lip to make it look like you have a mustache... yeah, you're going to regret that in 10-15 years.
• Home remedies:  Guilty.
• Awkwardness

Mason Jars AND DIY

DIY Chevron Stripes.

I hope you thoroughly enjoyed this brief, yet oh-so-educating session of "What's Trending".